Interstim comes out tomorrow :(

My weekend with Interstim is almost over. I am not ready for this new relationship to end! Tomorrow I get to go back to my dr and they are going to take it out. I wish I could just keep it in until I am able to do the surgery for the permenant one.

I have been able to pee all weekend like a normal/real girl! you have no idea how amazing that feels. When you have been going only 2-3 times a day. and when you go you sit and try for about 10-20 min before you are able to pee. Then you pee a gallon of liquid. And there is still a ton left your bladder that wont come out when you are done!

This weekend I have used the bathroom regulargy, little-to no hesitancy, and nothing left in the bladder! I am so happy. But I am not ready for this to end. Tomorrow, I go back to being a grandma. :(

The tape that is holding my ports and stuff in place is really itching me. My back has been killing me too. They told me to try to keep my back as straight as possible so that I dont get the cables out of place. But man oh man it hurts soo bad. Also, my back and upper buttox are very sore. I have to be careful sitting down.

I took my Ambien tonight and cant go to bed yet. Waiting on a phone call. So I am not sure if words are coming out the right way or not! Ugh I havent slept good in a long time.

I am really nervous about tomorrow and what they will say. I have noticed a difference and I hope they tell me that we can put the permenant one in. But I am scared about the cost and what my insurance will cover. Will I even have the money to pay for what they dont cover?

Sometimes I just feel so inept. I feel as if I cant do anything right and that there is always something wrong with me. When am I ever going to be in good health? I guess I could be considered in good health. I am not dying, I dont have cancer. I am just in extreme pelvic pain from the endo, my lower back is killing me, and I cant pee (with the exception of this weekend because of my interstim). So other than that I am in relatively good health!

Tomorrow I get to wear my Interstim to school. I am really embarrassed about this device and what it does mainly because I have to use it. But at the same time I think that it is really interesting and amazing. I am taking this experience and turning it into show & tell and education. Instead of people staring I am just going to explain it to them. Much easier that way!