Permenant Interstim Friday!

The "call" came a couple of weeks ago. They finally approved my Interstim! It has been a roller coaster of emotions since. I am so excited, happy, yet scared that this is a dream, or they will change their mind. What if something happens and it has to be rescheduled? etc, etc, etc. I am trying as hard as I can not to get my hopes up. But I have been waiting almost 3 months for this approval. During that time I have had to deal with my bladder getting distended and cathing myself. Definetly not a fun thing to do. But you can call me the "cath queen"!

So, Friday is my surgery date. This Friday. All week long I have been just staring at the Interstim photos, and reading people's stories. I am obsessing over this and trying so hard not too. My life is really going to change. I laugh off the retention and bladder spasm/pain issues, but deep down it hurts and is embarrassing. During school/clinicals they say "ok lets take a quick bathroom break" and I think, "gee that would be nice, wish I could".

Friday is so close, yet so far away. I can almost touch it, feel it, smell it, taste it. I know most of that is not even possible but it is within my grasp!

The pain from the endo is getting worse. I only haved 2 more Lupron injections and then I am done. What will I do when the pain continues and i cant do Lupron anymore? That is my fear. In the meantime I have been doing PT. It is going ok. I thought it was helping at first, but the past week or 2 the pain has gotten worse. I am tired of being in pain, tired of hurting, tired of not sleeping, tired of not peeing and so on and so on.

I really think that there is more to my problems that Endo and Urinary Retention. My urologist says I dont have IC, but I really feel as if I do. I have all the symptoms except the peeing 50 times a day. But my bladder spasms, its painful, it hurts when it is fulls, hurts when its emptied.

I also wonder if there is more to my endo pain than endo. I know I dont have fibromyalgia, but I wonder if there is something else. I have been seeing a pelvic pain specialist. He has been great. He has been trying all sorts of treatments to see what helps. Each time I go he discovers another problem. So, we are working on one thing at a time to see if it will help with the others. Right now, he is trying to get my inflammation under control (bladder, uterus, pelvic walls, etc all majorly inflammed). He has me taking valium (and not the traditional way if you know what I mean) to get the inflammation down. The hope is that this will take pressure off of the bladder and groin area (where my endo pain is) and help decrease that.

I just feel like an old lady. I am only 27, yet I am on so much meds, cant do much without being in pain or exhausted. I can fake it through school/clinicals but when I get home I cant even get off the couch/bed.

Is it too much to ask to be normal for once? Is this supposed to be a lesson? What do I need to learn?